I has a poem!

Many people know that I am not the most talented when it comes to poems, but I try anyway. Anywho, I got an idea and I went with it. Surprisingly I got the idea during Chemistry, at least one good thing came out of that class.

So here it is: Retribution

You made the mistake
Of leaving me,
And I made the mistake
Of loving you,
With your smiles and your charms.

But now there you squirm
In that watery grave.
For help you plead
From the girl whose heart you
Tore out and left to bleed.

You left without a word
To ease my pain and
Now you look up at me hatefully
And scream in such anguish
As I smile down on you so lovingly.

You used to look at me
With that same love,
So full of lies,
But then you left
And now my love slowly dies.

I watch you drown,
Your lovely fingers clawing air,
And pray you feel
The same hatred for me
As I have held for you.

You scream again my name,
Claiming that retribution
Will have its way.
I say, “This is retribution,”
And then walk away.
*end*

Like it? Lots of comments!!

Can't put this off anymore...

"It is time". I quote the Lion King for this is a blog that I have put off for the last month or so. But now that I've quoted Lion King, I'll be sitting here mumbling "Mufasa..." and giggling for the next hour. My dad will confirm your disbeliefs. "Mufasa..." *giggle*.

Look at me, I'm still stalling. So...this is my second Twilight blog. This is the Twilight blog where I discuss the Twilight movie. God help me. I've put this off, because if I had written this after watching the movie, it would have sounded like hate mail, and I probably would have been arrested for making plans for the deaths of at least 5 people. I'm going to try not to get carried away now, but I can make no garantees.

Let's start by saying this: the movie sucked my brother's moldy socks. For anyone who saw the movie, this is a "duh" statement. Its also needless to say that it wasn't worth the 10 freaking bucks I spent to see the movie. I can't say it was a waste of 2 hours of my life, seeing as how I love having something to rant and rave about. Especially when it's something every other girl in the world is squealing about like dying pigs (you see the bitterness I feel for this, right?).

On to the 5 hated people. First, there's Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella Swan. I've never seen an actress who s-s-stutters as much as she d-did in this movie. It was annoying!! Can she not remember her lines? Is that it? It can't be that hard (I'll get to that later). Ugh. Not to mention that she over-acts everthing. I was near hysterics laughing during the part where she realizes that Edward's a vampire. She is literally hyperventalating while she says that she's not afraid of him. I'm sitting there going, "Oh really?" The hosptial scene I can't even discribe. I'll put up this picture I found that I love so much. The best part about it is that this is EXACTLY how it happened in the movie.

Yeah. Pretty sad, huh? She's not the worst of them though. Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward Cullen, is much worse. MUCH worse. He was awkward. The character of Edward is not supposed to be awkward. He's supposed to be full of himself and overconfident, not at a loss for words. But he's REALLY not supposed to look as though he hasn't had a bowel movement in the last decade. In fact, no one's supposed to look like that. He just didn't need to act so serious. Serious is good, but that was overdone. In fact, there were only 2 scenes in the entire movie where he was laid back, and I must say that they were the 2 best scenes in the movie.

I refuse to get too carried away, so I'll just move on to the next victim. And that victim shall be...Jackson Rathbone who plays Jasper Hale. As much as I love Jackson off the screen, he was positively horrid in the movie. His expression throughout 99% of the film was that of someone who had a watermelon on a stick shoved up the anal area of the body. Quite unpleasant to experience, and even more to watch. His performance disappointed me more than any of the others. I expected the actors who played Bella and Edward to be overdone, but I was deeply saddend by Jasper. :'( See?

That's all for the actors and actresses that I had major issues with. I also was bothered by Alice's first formal entrance to the movie and Jake's blindingly white teeth against his dark skin, but I won't get into huge detail about those. Heehee, Jake's teeth made me laugh.

If you can count, which I hope you can, you know that I still have 2 people left to rag on. The next is whoever wrote the script. I mentioned earlier about how I couldn't understand why Kristen would have such problems with learning her lines. The script itself is why. I swear that the script to the entire Twilight movie has to be 20 pages, double-spaced. The entire movie was looking. Bella looking at Edward, Edward looking at Bella, the entire cast looking at nothing...the list goes on. No joke, there were entire scenes where not a word was spoken by anyone (except me whose in the audience muttering, "that's it?").

Last, but certainly not least in my list of people who ruined Twilight (though the book sucked to begin with), is Catherine Hardwicke, the director of the movie. I had such I respect for Catherine as a director, but this ruined everything. She was the one who should have told Robert, Kristen, and Jackson to tone it down a few hundred knotches. I also think she could have had some say in keeping important scenes in the book. My 2 favorite parts in the book were nowhere to be scene in the movie. It frustrated me. *sigh* I think I should end the rants there.

So that you don't leave hating me or my list of people, I'm going to completely end this blog on a funny note: I think I'm a vampire. Yeah, funny story. You might know that my eyes change color. Yeah, they change through various colors of green, brown, and hazel. Now, one day my eyes were a light shade of brown, almost a golden brown. It was really bright in my room when I looked in the mirror. I swear to you, my eyes were gold. Very vampirish. But wait, it gets better. A couple days later, I got out of the shower and went into my room (it was bright again) and I noticed something sparkling on my shoulder. My whole shoulder and part of my chest was sparkling. I burst out laughing. Forgive me, but I've died and now sparkle. I guess I'll meet up with the Cullen's in Forks now.

Another Nouveau clip

Here's another clip I've written recently. I didn't have enough room in my last post, but I thought it was still worth putting out there.

*begin*
A floorboard creaked at the end of the hall.

Too late. It was too late. I was already crouching next to the wall without any doors close enough to duck into.

I restrained the erg to get up and run. To hide under the nearest bed or something. Instead, I forced myself to stay still and take quiet, shallow breaths. At least I still had the covver of night.

Whoever it was flicked on a light switch.

Crap.

I slowly looked over my shoulder, expecting the worst. Instead I saw a young woman, a girl, standing there with a toddler balanced on her hip. She had light brown hair and bright green eyes. They stared at me as I stared back at them, both sides stunned into silence.

I knew who the girl was. Sarah Moxely. I'd known of her but hadn't actually seen her until then. She was Moxely's newest wife, and though the Council often lied about their wives' true ages, nothing could have prepared me for how young Sarah really was. Her profile may have said that she was twenty, but the girl standing in front of me was no older than myself. Sixteen or seventeen years old and she already had a child of her own.

I turned my gaze to the child. Yes. There was no mistake. The child had to be hers. He had the same shade of brown hair and same mystified eyes. Unfortunately, Maximillien was there too. The boy had the same strong jaw and high, regal-looking cheekbones.

Bitterness burned inside me. So dear Max finally had his beloved son. I didn't even know the boy, but at that moment I hated him enough to claw his eyes out.

Sarah hesitantly cleared her throat, which saved me from the horrible thoughts I had for the boy and his father.

"Y-you're Katana...aren't you?" she whispered.

"If you already know who I am, why are you asking?"

Sarah didn't say anything, probably waiting for me to pull out a gun or something.

I stood up to my full height. Sarah took a half-step back.

I sighed, "I'm not going to kill you, and though I'd like to kill the boy, I don't think that'd do me much good."

"His name is Nathan," Sarah said dumbly, though she did seem to relax a little. Nathan just sat in the girl's arm looking at me, silently sucking his thumb.

I started inching myself backwards towards the room I entered through.

Sarah noticed. She took a step towards me.

"Why did you come here?" she asked me curiously.

I didn't answer, just took another step backwards. Sarah took one more towards me.

"I won't tell anyone. I just want to know," Sarah persisted.

One more step, I thought. One more step and I'm through the door.

Sarah seemed to notice this too and lunged for me, trying to grab my arm. I slipped past her outstretched hand and bolted into the room. I ran to the open window, jumped through it, and ran off into the night.

"I know who you are!" I heard Sarah call out at me.

This stopped me dead. She'd already made it clear that she knew that I was Katana. So why say that she knew who I was? Unless...unless she knew who I was. Who I really was. Who almost no one else even knew existed.

I looked back at Sarah. She was leaning out the window with a serious look on her face.

I took a deep breath, trying not to show that I was close to a panic, and slid into the shadows.

*head desk*

Wow, how long has it been since I last wrote? Its funny how I start almost all my blogs off like that nowadays, but oh well. Life is busy, but life goes on.

Anywho, about Nouveau... Things are going slowly. I started on ch. 2, but then I hit a wall (ouch). A lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm still confused on the layout for the Nouveau series. I could easily make it a trilogy, but I love the titles too much! I could never sacrifice even one of them! So then I thought about simply adding to the story; adding more twists and turns to it. There are 2 problems with that though: 1) I suck eggs at adding twists to a story. I need help! 2) do you think that makes the story TOO long? I wonder if the story would be too boring then. However, my characters provide most of the interest in my story, Katana particularly. Which brings me to my next problem: when should my readers officially learn about Katana's father (the fact that her daddy is the most hated person in the story)? Should I really drop hints through 4 books? You'd think they'd find out about it before then. Plus, in the third book, Katana goes to a meeting with Moxely (her dad) and its kinda obvious that they're related. *exasperated sigh* I don't know...I really need outside opinions.

I have some clips I've written recently though:

I'll start with my favorite:

...And then she smiled darkly at me. She stared at me through beautiful, cold eyes that seemed eager for a fight.

That's when I knew.

That's when I realized how formidable of an opponent Katana could truly be.

In her eyes I saw a confidence that couldn't be thwarted; I saw no fear of death; and I saw no fear of killing.

In her eyes I saw every other man who had fallen under the weight of her gaze, and how few lived to wake up screaming at the memory.
*end*

That was something I thought up one morning before school. Its from Aidan's point of view, so I need to change it to 3rd person.

Next up: a prologue I wrote for Cage Rattlers

I ran.

I ran so hard and so long that my chest seared with useless, dry air. My bare, scraped feet throbbed with every pound against the rough, hard pavement. I felt as though I'd be sick. But I ran anyway.

I ran from my enemies. I ran from myself. And I ran from nothing. I ran for miles, passing countless buildings, only to return to my spot once again. And still I kept running.

Fear coursed inside me as thick as the blood that ran next to it. I didn't know why, but I had to run, to get away. So I ran. I ran and ran and ran until I collapsed. Familiar, hated voices came at me then. Then mocked me. Spat at me. Beat me, telling me everything I feared and knew to be true. They confirmed my darkest suspicions and labeled me by them. Then, when they were finally through, they moved in to finally end me.

I woke with a start. My breath was heavy and ragged as if I had actually run for hours. Sweat slid down my face, arms, and chest in beads.

I was only partially a dream though.

The rest was real.
*end*

Welp, I hope you enjoyed that! Give lots and lots of comments!!! Even more critiques please!

Wow, its been a while

I didn't realize how long it'd been since I'd been on last until I saw how much everyone else had been posting. Anywho, I finally wrote something I like! I haven't been writing much anyway, but I was inspired last night and wrote this. I hope you enjoy it as much as me! Of course, I may be overreacting.


I was so mad. Not mad. I was hysterically and irrationally furious. I don't think I'd ever been this insanely irritated before. I wanted to pull my hair out and throw every piece of furniture I could find across the room. I wanted to break the faces of anybody, everybody, and anything I laid eyes on. I wanted to break something, anything as long as it would provide a satisfying crack, bang, boom, or whatever at the end of it all.

Oh I hated Azzo.

I hated him for those piercing dark brown eyes of his. I hated how he always knew what to say and how to say it so that I always felt like every other girl. Innocent, soft, and always capable of being loved and forgiven. Why did he have to make me feel that way? Couldn't he see me for what I am? Guilty, cold, and deserving the worst punishment in Hell for all the lies I'd told, the lives I'd stolen, and the hatred I'd carried with me my entire life. Why couldn't he just tell me I was wrong and I was stupid and I was nobody, no good, a liar, a murderer, a snake, a thief, a rogue, a villain, heartless, soulless, and incapable of love, trust, or kindness in any way shape or form? Why couldn't he slap me on the face and tell me all the things I knew to be true?

Instead he told me this: that I was strong and good and honorable and brave and...human. He told be that I was hopeful and valiant. He told be I was loved.

He looked at me with those knowing brown eyes and told me I was flawed, but weren't we all? He told me that I would fight passed all those demons that weighed me down and that nothing could ever stand in my way.

He told me that I was the hero, not the villain. Could that even be possible? Could hero and villain possibly inhabit the same body and mind? A girl who viciously and without mercy attacked unsuspecting victims, but at the same time she'd saved the day?

I didn't know what to believe anymore. And I hated that. I'd always known what I was and what I wasn't. And now, because of Azzo, I didn't know anymore. And I hated that. I hated that more than anything.

I punched the brick wall next to me so hard that I heard the satisfying crack of a bone in my hand breaking.

Updates

Okay, I need some serious opinions. I've been playing with ideas for AF again (ha, like I ever actually stop). More specifically I've been considering the setting.

You already know that it takes place in a futuristic society not really related in anyway to our reality. You also know that this is a written novel and not a graphic novel. So, I've been wondering exactly how futuristic I should make the story. See, if I make it super futuristic like one of Orson Scott Card's novels about the future of Earth, it requires a stronger basis for the setting, like basing in in Earth's future or on a planet most people are familiar with. If I just have a random super futuristic setting that's unrelated to anything and I'm using gadgets that some people might not understand, I'm just going to leave my reader's so confused they forget what the story's about, much less what's happening in it.

Therefore, I'm thinking about making the setting a little more present day. Have my characters use more modern weapons and have the city resemble more of New York than a future city on Mars. I'm going to dial down the technology. Not a whole lot though. Aidan and his family are still going to be inventors for super gadgets, but when you think about it, the "super gadgets" that I have in mind are already in some sort of plans right now.

Also, if I'm toning down the technology a little, I've considered changing the whole attire of Katana. I don't know if you remember the very detailed appearance she has. It's very difficult to describe in a book. So, I think I'm going to take off her "headgear" (ha ha) and arm band thing-a-ma-gigs. I'm going to keep her hair down, and I think I'll add a black smear into her hair. When I look, Avril Lavigne actually looks a lot like what I imagine Katana to look like, especially with the blonde hair and pink smear. And I promise, I only just realized that a few weeks ago. I've been drawing Katana for a couple years now.

(see, she even has the hazel eyes!)

Anywho, I'll draw up a "new" Katana and send it to you M.

What do you think? In your honest opinion of a written novel, would you read it and be genuinely interested? Without all my explanations of things in the past, do you think the story would make sense to you? PLEASE REPLY

Something people could benefit from:

I've realized something today that I think people will benefit from. A sort of wisdom I guess. Well, maybe not wisdom, but I sure wish I had somebody to tell me this. Be warned though, it's religious. Please don't stop reading though. I promise I'm not going to scream "may the power of Christ compel you" and smack you with a Bible. That would be bad.

But seriously, I think I finally, and truly, understand why people give their lives to God. I was always taught that you did that because you loved him (or her, but personally, I don't think God's controlled by gender). That's not wrong, that is part of it, it's not like I've been lied to my whole life, but I've realized the heart of the matter. It's not that people have such wonderful lives on Earth as Christians (because that's not true at all), it's that comparatively, life SUCKS without God in it.

When I was studying the Bible and was a new Christian in 7th and 8th grade, I was passionate for God. He was the first thought on my mind, I prayed to him in between classes, I was peaceful, content, and happy. Of course, things weren't perfect. A Christian's life never is. People think that Christians have it easy, that they go to church because it's the easy way out. But it isn't! It's a daily struggle. Is it worth it? In my experience on both sides...yes. I'd say that yes, it's worth every tear shed.

When I say "both sides", I mean that, in the past year especially, I've fallen out of the passion that I once had. It's not that God isn't worth getting excited about, no! I wish I could scream his goodness at the top of my lungs and talk seriously with my best friend about how much love she can find in him. It all sounds cliche, I know, but I can't stress the truth in it enough.

Anyhow, I haven't shown my excitement for God to either my friends, strangers, or even God. It's terrible. And I realized today that I'm miserable about it. Not guilty, my life is just weighted and meaningless. I go through the motions day to day. I smile, I laugh, but peace and contentment is never found. The things I never used to care much about like money and material, worldly crap are suddenly on my mind more than God. It's terrible. It's not the life I want to live, especially after I've experienced a life with God.

I don't know what to tell people who aren't already familiar with God. I just wish there was somebody there when I was baptized to tell me that I was making the right choice. Eternal life aside, I don't want to live any life here on Earth unless it's for my God in Heaven. I'd rather die. Let me put it this way: When a person is given the choice of servanthood or death, which are they going to choose? Or, when a person is given the choice of serving a kind master or being a slave to a cruel master who will beat you down mentally and physically every day, which are they going to choose? It's still serving, but when serving a kind master, the person has the opportunities of love, freedom, and rewards at the end of their time.

I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone, but I'm telling the truth. The honest to God truth. And I want everyone out there to know that the lives you're living are petty and harder than they need to be. After all, Jesus once said (I can't remember the actually verse) "come to me all who are weary". And I feel very worn out. What about you?